Yup, it's Friday! Yay!
And even though it's Friday, I have a writing assignment to finish, two upcoming exams to study for and a web-course to finish and pass.
And I'm only in the second week of my first year of university. Not even med school. Oh no.. But I would gladly give up my position to get into med school. Internship? Residency? 'Pimping', or 'Shame Based Learning' as it's called? Sure. Come at me, bro!
While I've discovered that I certainly do like writing about diseases and researching them for a week or so, I've also discovered that I still
I like my university, I think I like my professors, I think I'm okay with my fellow students. Commuting over 1 hr a day is fine, even though I feel its a waste because I already know I dislike this.. Science thing.
I know it's only been two weeks. But after 3 days or so, health & life sciences has already lost its glamor for me. I don't want to do research. I don't want to publish papers. I hate debating. I don't want to advise people on how to prevent mass epidemic X.
I want to diagnose patients. I want to talk to patients, figure out what's wrong with them, and send them home with a smile plastered onto their faces.
I've already diagnosed one person with a stress fracture even without seeing the X-rays and predicted a near-fainting spell for another. I like that. I like being the person with the pills, ointments and bandages. I like giving people advice on how to treat this and that symptom. Hell, I even like plastering sports tape all over someone's joints. Worse even, I don't mind frowning upon irresponsible behavior, such as smoking, or running while injured.
I like being the person to come to regarding questions about anatomy. I like it when I can answer my trainer's questions regarding the vulnerable spots on the body. (I practice self defense, by the way)
I like setting aside some time to talk to patients, just to socialize. It's what I liked to do while I worked in the hospital as a cleaner.
I know some specialists hardly get the time to talk to their patients nowadays. It doesn't help when the government wants to cut the costs. But I wanted to become a doctor or psychiatrists to see people heal through my efforts. I've played for shrink in my circle. I've been told I could consider becoming a shrink, because I'm good at it, and because I'm too selfless.
I've cried myself to sleep when I heard I didn't get into med school. I still have little over a week left to get into med school through some trick of fate. Any freshman med school student withdrawing leaves an open spot, ready to be filled by another hopeful kid. I'm one of them. But I think I'll cry myself to sleep again when I don't hear anything by the 25th of September. One of my classmates got accepted into med school, but chose to study Health & Life Sciences. The moment I heard this, I was ready to shake her back and forth, violently. She had the chance to do something many of us wanted to, but denied it. The people who don't get satisfactory results during their first year of med school are kicked out of it. The moment I find such a person, I'll be ready to choke the life out of him.
Every time I see a med school student or a doctor, I gaze at them, hoping that I'll someday get accepted into med school.
But at times, this hopeful gaze has turned into a glare. Every tale of doctors abusing their patients in some way triggers my anger - I would be a much better doctor because I don't have the heart to abuse the patients.
Every passing day, my mind wanders, and I find myself hoping, secretly praying (even though I gave up on the concept of 'God') that I would get into med school.
And then, the train comes to a halt, pulling me back to reality. I dream about getting a letter of acceptance, but when I wake, I realize that I'm studying something I don't like.
It sucks.
I've become obsessed with med school, but there's nothing I can do about it.
I'm sorry for ranting.
I hope my next post will be less 'doom and gloom'.
X
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